How I became India’s Most Wanted!

burglar-cartoon1Today I broke the law………….20-30 times! I have become an habitual law-breaker, a career criminal, the sort of person you would never bring home to meet your mother!
The day started innocently enough. I set out for a drive to Juhu, a suburb about 11kms from home. As I approached the first traffic signal the lights changed from green to red and I slowed to a halt only for my peaceful mood to be interrupted by an urgent honking behind me. Looking in my rear view mirror I could see the driver of the car behind me gesticulating at me urging me to drive on. Now where I come from red means stop so I stayed put. The honking continued until, frustrated, he pulled around me and drove past glaring at me through the window. Perhaps he is in a hurry, I thought to myself, while noticing streams of traffic flowing past me as I sat waiting for the lights to change.
At the next signal the same thing happened again, but this time a couple of cars stopped with me, only to decide after 20 seconds that they had waited long enough and roared off through the red signal leaving me sitting alone scratching my head and wondering if I was colour blind.
At each signal I started to observe a pattern, the traffic would slow as they approached the junction as if they were about to stop but then surge ahead en masse swerving around traffic coming rightfully from the side as their signal was green.
Even if the traffic stopped they would slowly creep forward inch by inch until by the time the light changed to green they were already through the junction.
Realising that it was more dangerous to be the sole law-abiding citizen and risk being rear ended by another driver not imagining in his wildest dreams that I would be stupid enough to stop for a red light, I decided to assimilate and blend in with the local customs and traditions as any good traveler should do.
I developed my own technique, scanning ahead of the junction for any traffic police hiding behind trees ready to pounce and if the coast was clear proceeding merrily through the red light. So on I went, breaking law after law, defying all that my parents held true and right, to become a repeat offender, a lawless undesirable, a menace to society.
Looking back on my last 6 years in India, I realize that my criminal record has grown rather lengthy.
I often overtake on the left hand side because a truck is trundling along at 20kms per hour in the right hand lane. I flagrantly break the 80kph speed limit on the empty expressway, thinking that 100kph is a more reasonable speed. I blatantly disregarded the new law (brought in after the brutal gang rape in Delhi) that bans tinted sun film on my car windows, because it’s too damn hot and I don’t think assaults on women will stop if my windows aren’t tinted! I regularly park in the proliferating no parking zones brought about to ease the traffic flow, because when cancelling all the parking they forgot to provide an alternative.
My parents would be ashamed if they knew what a hardened criminal I have become, and if the Boss’s parents knew then, what they know now, they would have refused me their daughter’s hand in marriage. What shame it would bring on the family to have your beautiful daughter, the light of your life, married to India’s Most Wanted!

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7 thoughts on “How I became India’s Most Wanted!

  1. You are correct. I am most ashamed of your wanton criminal activities! And how dangerous your behaviour is. Just bear in mind the example the cops will delight in making of you a foreigner breaking the law if they catch you! Your mother.

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    • Every country has it’s unique character. I blogged on this because it is not something I have experienced elsewhere, and despite the non-adherence to signals the traffic still seems to function. Maybe we are too regulated elsewhere?

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      • Yes may be but actually thats what characterize India that if its working then why it matters? (what is called the chalta hai attitude) We never experienced what the regulated way is so turn a blind eye to the problems with the current one 🙂

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  2. Very funny! We were recently in Thailand – Bangkok was especially shocking with, what seemed to be, their flagrant disregard of any traffic rules…at least so we thought…It seems that in Thailand (and India by the sounds of it!) what initially appears to be utter chaos, is in fact perfectly functional for the locals.
    And although not convinced we should adopt this “attitude” in NZ seemed to work perfectly fine there!

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    • Thailand Traffic is positively saintly compared to here! I am always amazed by the lane discipline and the lack of honking when I visit from India! One thing I have realised living here is that life goes on despite the lack of many things I consider necessary for an orderly existence. It has made me a lot more flexible and accepting. ( still have a way to go though 😉 )

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